In the playground where we went yesterday, my son excitedly goes to his favorite equipment, the monkey bars. One made up of triangular metals wrapped in some plastic material. He enjoyed grabbing them, pulling himself up, lifting his feet, forming an L shape, and he does it pretty lightly.
At home, we have a swing that I placed in an area of about 10 sqm where he enjoys most of his time swinging and rotating himself up to the most he can twirl the string. Then, he will let go and have himself spin the speed. He is loving it.
I thought it would be nice if he can be trained fully in a proper gymnastics class. I inquired, but the location is far from the area where we live, which would put more cost to travel and will consume more time. It would be 3 times more than its actual cost.
On the night, as we sleep, I was attacked by the downing spirit, I cried and my son heard me. “Why are you crying mommy?” I said to him.“I thought that If you go to your daddy in the UK, then maybe they have better equipment and better training for you that you may be able to enjoy more. Something better than monkey bars but could be a proper gymnast where you can excel, but I cannot come”.
In my head I was thinking of his ADHD and ASD, thinking about preparing him to his adulthood where he can build a skill, so he can manage to take care of himself when I am gone. He told me “Don’t say that mommy, don’t let that happen, I want to be with you”
God gave me a son, a beautiful gift that I can wake up to every morning. He dances like a worm and it is so authentic that it makes me laugh all sadness and frustrations out. He cuddles me and kisses me on the cheeks and with that every moment I am supplied with all the affection that I lost off family that had gone in heaven.
God is walking with me, on my shoes. I have prayed the night. I can only thank him for what I have in my present, and pray for his will to be easy on me. I thank God for his word that is enough for me to find joy in everyday.